Open Letter: Stinky dude please

Open letter to the dude sitting in front of me on the train who will never read this:

Dude, I’d prefer if you would spray on your deodorant before you leave the house not while sitting on the train. The car became filled with the pungent aroma of your deodorant there was no escaping, I thought I might have to puff on my inhaler if the stench prevailed much longer.

I’d almost prefer the smell of your stinky pits than that noxious cloud you sprayed everywhere.

Almost!

Kudos to the ladies again

Once again I am amazed at the ability of some women to apply make-up while traveling to work on the bus, train and streetcar. I don’t know how they manage to do it and apply a perfect make-up job, I have a hard enough time trying to write in my Moleskine notebook while the bus or what have you shudders along let alone apply make-up. I always end up looking like a demented killer clown!

The woman on the streetcar this morning wasn’t applying lipstick or mascara but she was using one of those implements for curling eyelashes, you know the instrument that wouldn’t look out-of-place at the Spanish inquisition (which no one expects [five points if you get the reference]), she did a perfect job too. I of course was imagining all sorts of things, like the streetcar jumping the rails and the woman screaming as she impales her eye, holding the curling tool with her eyeball stuck in dripping blood and eye goop!

My imagination!

Kudos ladies, mad skillz you have.

Do I look like a Roger?

The light rail train on the way to work Saturday morning was full like a can of sardines; I managed to snag a seat. Across from me sat a gray-haired guy, he had a radio in his hand and as he put his ear buds in, he explained he liked to listen to 60’s and 70’s music. We introduced ourselves and shook hands and we chatted. I found out he was originally from Canada but has been in the states for 54 years, he no longer worked and had recently undergone an operation and was on worker’s comp. He wanted to work but the doctor recommended that he fish instead. He told me he didn’t like to fish.

As we were talking I realized he was also listening to his radio, at one point he started telling me what the commercials were, “Go to Muckleshoot Casino and if you win the Bingo, you can flip a coin and if you get heads you get your winnings doubled.”

Okay!

What I remember most about the conversation was when we introduced ourselves. His name was Larry and I told him my name, he then looks at me;

“Must have been fun growing up with that name, Roger.”

Roger! What the?

Must have been the language barrier, two guys from different countries interacting in a third country.

Sleeping in Seattle

I got on the light rail at the second stop of the line, there was a guy slumped in a seat asleep who had gotten on at the first stop about five minutes earlier. He hardly moved as he slumbered and as there was a security camera in the ceiling by his seat he obviously came to someone’s attention.

A few stops later a couple of transit Police officers got on. They shook him to no avail, one officer felt his neck for a pulse. Once he found the pulse, the other officer snapped a little ammonia vial under the guy’s nose. He awoke with a start wondering where the heck he was and what was going on. They picked him and his stuff up and hauled him off the train.

I have seen something similar on the bus. The bus got to its last stop and there was a guy fast asleep at the front of the bus. The driver tried as hard as he can to wake the guy up but he couldn’t. The transit Police turned up and two officers got on the bus, they both leaned forward to try and shake the guy awake and both immediately stepped back and looked very defensive. I am guessing they smelled alcohol or something and realized the guy might get belligerent.

One officer charged his taser and held it ready behind his back, but luckily they didn’t need it although they did have to drag the guy off the bus as he kicked and screamed.

Note to self: Don’t fall asleep on the bus.

Castles and elevators

Sitting on the light rail behind a couple of women, blonde woman and history woman.

Blonde woman was saying that she likes the light rail because she can get off at the last stop and get the escalators up Westlake Mall to her job. But she was moaning that a lot of the time several escalators are out of service, she could take the elevator but unfortunately people keep using it as a toilet so she has to take the stairs. She said she wasn’t lazy but with her neck and back problems it was a pain.

History woman said that in Napoleon’s time castles didn’t have indoor plumbing so when they had parties, the guests would use the stairways as restrooms.

This prompted blonde woman to talk about her trip to Europe and taking pictures of castles and that they used to have the first floor heated to heat the rest of the castle.

History woman said that French and English castles had fireplaces in every room and there were people whose only function was to go around and keep the fires lit using coal not wood to keep the castles heated.

I was sitting there scribbling away in my Moleskine notebook thinking; I am learning something today.

At the very least, which elevator not to use!

Cool belt

Guy got off train and was next to me as we waited for the bus, I noticed his belt with wide white leather with a huge white buckle. He saw me looking; “Cool belt,” I said.

“Thanks, you wanna buy for ten dolla?”

“Er, no thanks, it ain’t that cool!”

I’m glad I didn’t mention his snazzy pants in case he tried selling me those!