Open Letter: Stinky dude please

Open letter to the dude sitting in front of me on the train who will never read this:

Dude, I’d prefer if you would spray on your deodorant before you leave the house not while sitting on the train. The car became filled with the pungent aroma of your deodorant there was no escaping, I thought I might have to puff on my inhaler if the stench prevailed much longer.

I’d almost prefer the smell of your stinky pits than that noxious cloud you sprayed everywhere.

Almost!

Open letter Mr spitting husband

Been saving these open letters.

Why I let crap like this annoy me I’ll never know, I am easily pleased and also I guess easily annoyed.

Dude at bus stop:

You and your wife catch the same bus every evening at the same time give or take a minute each side of the scheduled arrival time. Yet you keep standing in the middle of the road to see if you can spot the bus, it is like five minutes before it is due.

Are you worried the bus driver will take a side street and bypass your stop just to piss you off? Or are you using some Jedi mind trick to try and get the bus to arrive ahead of schedule?

One day some ejjit will speed down the road and plough you down.

While I am at it, same dude, I don’t know what you always have a mouth full of, chewing, it isn’t tobacco but whatever it is it produces large quantities of spittle.

How do we know?

Open letter Mr. Litterer 2

Open letter:

To the guy who walked past the bus stop I am waiting at: dude you walked past the bloody trash can but still you took a drink from your coffee cup then threw it against the bus stop splattering coffee everywhere.

You must be related to the fast food wrapper chucker of earlier!

Bet you don’t do that sort of thing in your own home, or maybe you do, you messy bastage.

Open Letter Mr. Halitosis

Open Letter:

To the guy on the bus this morning, dude, if you must turn my way and breath heavily and continually sigh because the bus is stuck in traffic, for the love of Pete (not sure which Pete) suck on a breath mint.

Someone either needs to work on their oral hygiene or see a dentist because the stench was vile.

Open letter Emo couple

Open letter:

To the Emo couple, you both looked identical and I only knew which one of you was female by the skirt, you’ve both got iPod ear buds in, listening to some Emo music no doubt.

Yet you are moping along like you are carrying the worries of the world on your shoulders. Miserable, depressing, you need to inject some enthusiasm, some energy, something.

Dang, you looked so depressing you made me want to slash your wrists!

Open letter uncouth dude

Open Letter:

To the dude standing at the bus stop pulling fast food out of a plastic bag, unwrapping it,ramming the fried glop into his gaping maw then throwing the wrappers on the ground.

Dude, you are about six steps away from a trash can and recycle bin and you are still littering.

You inconsiderate, uncouth, environmentally unfriendly bastage.