Stlyin’ my cramp

Arggghhh!

What?

My left leg is cramping, the calf muscle is bulging, hurts like a mother.

Is that all? You woke us up for that.

This shit is painful.

Bananas.

No really it hurts!

No, bananas, they are good for cramps, it’s the extra potassium.

Oh, okay hold on while I hobble off and get some.

Dude, what are you doing?

You said bananas are good for cramps.

I know, but you are supposed to eat them not rub them on your leg.

Well excuse me, I’m half awake.

Well, I was  half asleep and like to get the rest of me back to the land of slumber and please don’t wake the wife.

Dude are you taking your medication?

I’m taking someone’s medication.

Huh? Are you talking about those multi-colored pills from the night stand?

Yes.

They are my M & M’s.

It bloody hurts

I lay in bed, early morning, I could hear three of the grand kids running riot in the living room. Our son and his kids are staying a few days. Rays of sunlight streamed through the blinds warming my exposed skin, beads of perspiration popped across my brow. I lay under a single sheet, the large round fan sat at the foot of the bed on a  chair blowing cool air across the bed.

I craned my head and looked at the red LED readout of the alarm clock, 8:30AM, dang I’m on vacation I shouldn’t be awake for another three or four hours. I turned on my side hoping to fall back asleep and back to the dream. Swimming in chocolate with a bevy of chocolate bunnies, I must be craving something. As I turned the sheet covering me twisted and exposed my right leg.

That’s when I felt it, the large knot forming in my right calf muscle, starting to burn, to pulse, to get hard, solid; “No, no, no!” I muttered as the muscle suddenly bulged rock hard as my leg cramped.

“Argh”, I cried flopping around on the bed like I was being poked at with a cattle prod. The pain seared my calf muscle as I whimpered and grabbed at my leg, rubbing trying in vain to ease the intense pain.

Carolyn rushed into the bedroom to check what the commotion was, I twisted on the bed pointing to my leg. “Is that all,” she said and then something,  something about child-birth and knowing what real pain was and then she left again.

“No bloody sympathy,” I cried at the door in my agony.

I think I need to hydrate some more especially before bed.